The popular press bombards us with verbal abuse stories and magazine articles citing “scientific” studies that indicate over eighty percent of our teenagers are sexually harassed. Further investigation uncovers the pollster’s working definition of harassment: “Unwanted attention, bumping up against a person in the hall, leering looks, etc.” This “research” contends calling a young woman a “dog” or “cow” is sexual harassment. While mean and disrespectful, this language is far from “sexual” harassment.
It’s discouraging to see how far from reality we’ve drifted. A six-year-old boy in Evansville, Illinois, was sent home the day after Valentines Day by a teacher who spotted the boy wishing a classmate a happy Valentine’s Day by kissing her on the back of the head. The teacher took him to the office and called the boy’s father, accusing the child of sexual harassment. The father asked the Dean of Student Services how something so ludicrous could happen. In reply to the question: “Do you think a six-year-old is capable of sexual harassment?” The Dean replied: “Certainly, I think a five-year-old is. We are personally liable in such cases.”
United States Senator Ted Kennedy endorsed his views: “You have first, second, and third grade harassers. You have kindergarten harassers. We’re reaching out and identifying them at the earliest grades, disciplining these individuals. As with every aspect of Health Care, early intervention can have a big impact.”
“Mandatory reporting of such behavior is important because it can serve as an alarm before the abuse becomes more severe.”
This sounds credible but misses the mark. It’s easy to feel abused when others use offensive language, but, to the surprise of self-esteem advocates, most so-called abusers back-off when confronted in a direct, calm, and assertive manner. An added bonus is that they respect those who stand up to them.
Let’s clarify an important distinction. Brainwashing in all its forms is harmful and wrong, but comparing verbal abuse to physical assault is equally obnoxious. All physical abuse is reprehensible. Sexual harassment is particularly hideous, especially as an abuse of perceived power. Unfortunately, there are those who want to turn the use of offensive language into criminal behavior, leaving abusive behavior unresolved by implying we can become the helpless victims-of words!
I object to symbolic solutions designed to make the person applying them feel good about themselves. Lasting solutions inoculate us against verbal attacks. Dr. Tana Dineen in her hard-hitting book Manufacturing Victims, makes a clear distinction between real and fabricated victims. Real victims, she suggests, did not choose to be raped, beaten, or tortured. On the other hand, fabricated victims choose their pain, injury, and trauma.
Self-esteem advocates contend that verbal abuse undermines our self-esteem, going so far as to suggest that most of us come from dysfunctional families! If you find this hard to believe, investigate Nathaniel Brandon’s “The Power of Self Esteem.”
“Most of us are children of dysfunctional families. I do not mean that most of us had alcoholic parents or were sexually or otherwise abused or that we grew up in an atmosphere of physical violence. I mean that most of us grew up in homes characterized by conflicting signals, denials of reality, parental lying, and lack of adequate respect for our mind and person. I am speaking of the average home.”
John Bradshaw, another popular self-esteem author and speaker contends that all of us come from dysfunctional families!
Parenting is tough enough without this heavy burden. What a thrill it is to observe most parents exercising personal responsibly by allowing their children to learn from minor mistakes, letting their children know they are special while holding them accountable for their reaction to life’s seemingly “unfair” events.
To Go To Chapter Five Click Here
To Go To The Introduction Click Here
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